Hops joins his sisters at the Bridge

Juniper Hops

I'm so sorry to post this -- the third one of its kind in 11 months... Juniper Hops passed away this past Tuesday. Once again, we were away. We think they chose times when we're gone to die because animals often choose to be alone. But this doesn't make it any less heart-wrenching.

Hops was having back-leg immobility problems in April, which were solved by medicine. He was back in action by May and was hopping all around, while not really being able to bend around to, say, scratch his ears. But he was about 80% better.

After Kayla died on June 18, he seemed very sad. He then developed a staph infection in his ears, which cleared up with ear drops and antibiotics. He perked up when his ears felt better. He was even following us around and begging for craisins at all hours. He was running around my desk chair following us into the bathroom and interested in life and us and loved being cuddled -- like he was a baby again.

Then, about a week and a half ago, he started falling over again and wasn't able to right himself, like he was in April. I put him back on the meds, which made a little bit of difference to the point he was able to hop around again. But when he fell, he couldn't pick himself up. So I had fashioned a basket with towels and food and water, and put him in it to rest. I kept the basket where I had kept Kayla's -- right beside my bed.

Being Hops, the acrobat that he always was, he kept trying to hop out, of course. He wanted to hang out under the bed, as that was always his favorite place. I kept putting him in his basket so he could be near his food. At any rate, we left on Monday afternoon for a trip to New Hampshire and he was just the same -- happy and hopping, but falling over. I had Maggie come to visit him twice a day to give him his meds and make sure he was in his basket with access to food and water.

Tuesday afternoon, she called me and told me that he was lethargic and not too interested in food or water. Apparently, he had been trying to get out of his basket when he got stuck. So she cleaned him up, replaced the towels in his basket and settled him back in. But he wasn't going for his food.

When she came to see him on Tuesday night, he had died right where she left him. Maybe he saw his sisters die of basically the same thing and didn't want to draw out the process any more than necessary. On Monday we had a nice cuddle on the floor like we used to when he was a kid and he gave me lots of kisses. Looking back, he was saying good-bye and that he loved me. I told him several times that day that I will love him forever and that he should go see his sisters if he wanted to.

It was a shock for me to get the message from Maggie on Tuesday night, seeing as how he was hopping around and happy when I left him the day before. But he went on his own time and I guess there's something to be said for him not being basically immobile for months like both Ariel and Kayla were. He's with them now, as well as with Amber, and I know they'll be waiting at the Bridge for me.

Hopsie gives some lovin' to his beloved, Ariel

Hops' passing is so, so hard. Much harder than Ariel or Kayla's and they were bad enough. But at least I got several months to say good-bye to them. Hops left so much quicker than I thought he would. At least he lived a full life, I keep telling myself. He had sisters and a family and love all around him. He had nearly 8 wonderful years and never learned how to be afraid of anything because I wouldn't let anything ever hurt or scare him. It seems to me that he saw Ariel and Kayla both die and decided there was no real point in being here without them, especially falling over as he was. Even in life, he reminds me that love is what you should live for. And he knew I'd love him whether he was here or not. That I loved him too much to see him suffer just to stay with me.

But that doesn't mean I'm not crying my eyes out every time I think about it. He was my buddy and my baby and my boy. I know mommies aren't supposed to have favorites, but I did. He was my favorite since Amber, and I told him that all the time, that he was my best bunny. "You're a wizard, Hopsie" -- I used to stroke his blaze crooked and tell him that when he was a baby.

Hops, Kayla and Ariel -- together again

So in the past 11 months, I've lost three of my four bunnies. The year has, in other ways, just been probably the worst of my life. I'm very happy with Paul, so that's the one thing that is always right. But the rest of life can only get better. It's about time for my luck to change, I think.

We still have SweetPea (whom I got in 2004) and Bandit, our kitty who adopted us last summer. We go from having animals flooding our house to just two in a relatively short time. My heart is sore from so much mourning, and yet I seem to never run out of tears.

I'll have Hops cremated, like his sisters were. My dad will make a box for him of beautiful woods, as he did for the twins.

I was hoping when my Popper got better in May that he'd be with me for another year or two at least. His passing was more sudden than I would have liked it, but it was as he needed it to be. He'll always live in my heart. Juniper Hops was a remarkable bunny with a wonderfully kind heart. Everyone's favorite and everyone's friend.

Run free, Kayla

It is with sadness and a little bit of relief that I tell you that Kayla passed away this morning. She had been in really bad shape the last few months and couldn't hop more than a few steps without falling over (same as Ariel's condition during her last 6 months or so last year).

As with Ariel, the bond between us grew very strong the last few months, and I couldn't pick her up without getting several minutes worth of kisses. She turned into a real lovey and knew I was helping her. Maybe they both realized towards the end of their lives how much I love them. They both came a long way from that box next to the dumpster in Jamaica Plain, where they were found only a few months before I adopted them in May 2001. I can be comforted that I gave them a good life -- Kayla was with me for 8 years and 1 month, nearly to the day. She got so sweet as she got older and especially after she grew disabled. I had her set up with lots of towels in a little bed, which was right next to my bed for the last month or two, so now it's so quiet when I try to sleep. She honked non-stop since she turned 5 years old, so her happy little bunny noises (as Maggie called them) always lulled me to sleep. Now it's just quiet.



But she's hopping around now at the Rainbow Bridge and she's not in any pain. She can go where she wants to and box her teeny little hands at all the other animals who don't listen to her, like she always did. So the relief comes from knowing she's free again. She is with Ariel and Amber now, whom I know are taking good care of her. I will have her body cremated, as I did with Ariel. My dad made a gorgeous box for Ariel's ashes and if Kayla's don't fit in that, too, he'll make another box for my little Squirt. She always hovered around 2 lbs. her whole life.

Hops is getting older, too. He'll be 8 this Aug. 1. He's slowed down a lot, and had a rough time in April, where he was falling over, too, and couldn't walk. That's resolved, but he still can't scratch his ears with his feet. He is mobile, though, so I can take care of the rest for him. He hasn't really been the same since Ariel died last August. As you may recall, he loved her most of all. He went to Kayla and cuddled a lot with her the past year and a half, since Ariel got disabled, but now Kayla's gone and he's just a little bit lost, I think. He still has SweetPea (who's in the prime of her little naughty life at just over 5 years old), but they never cuddled like he did with the twins. He's quiet now, my little old man, but seems to be doing just fine except for a little ear problem I'm looking forward to taking care of with the vet this week sometime. As he gets older, he's getting more cuddly, though, which is nice. But he's alone a lot by choice lately and not surrounded with the love that he was when he had his girls with him. I do my best, but I'm only a human.