The path to here and their paths from here

"Relationships -- we all want 'em. We all got 'em. What do we do with them?" Name the song and artist and you'll get $50 in the mail. No, not really, but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

As fall 2005 approaches, so do two weddings of two exes. My previous lives (no, I'm not talking about new age philosophy or reincarnation; don't worry, this Lutheran hasn't gone off that particular deep end) have been interesting, to say the least, and would make a great autobiography some day. A real page-turner, lemme tell ya. I've come across very different sorts of people with very different interests and goals and personalities and situations. For that, I thank the people I once loved.

One showed me what pure beauty is and how brightly the stars shine. She taught by example that it's okay to be who we are if we try to be the best people we can be, to let others see that, and to live for our own truths. The world's colors have been brighter since I've known Amy. I will always be grateful for how she looked at me and how she let me look at her. And, the last I heard from her, she's met her match (and that's saying something) in her man. I wish her the happiest life, every moment filled with love and intellectual challenge and tantalizing politics. If anyone deserves it, she does. A CT wedding is planned.

One showed me that sometimes you have to break someone else's heart to stop breaking your own. He made me discover strength I never had and vulnerability I never thought I needed or wanted, but that has proven that I'm the person I want to be. Craig showed me that I don't ever have to live by anyone else's rules except my own, but that I better know what my rules are. Through three very difficult years with pan flashes of smiles that always turned into tears, he turned into a different person and I turned away from him. He's not evil, although labelling him as such would have been easy. (Since when have I been the one for the easy route?) And once and now and then, I saw the person I fell in love with; the sweet, creative type. Now Craig's off in a new life of his own. A house, an almost-wife. I hope for Craig that he will always be Jekyll and never Hyde. That he'll do it right this time. I told him once he better treat her like a queen. She seems like the person he needs; I hope he's the person she needs. A Labor Day weekend wedding is planned.

As weddings approach and as the cycle of lives turn, so marriages fall apart. Three dear friends of mine have their hearts broken nearly every day all over again as they live the process of breaking up what they thought would last them their lives. It's hard to see people you love in pain, and sometimes the only thing you can do is be the silence on the other end of a phone call, let them talk it out.

The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish them. Words shrink things that seem limitless in your mind to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemy would love to steal away. And you may say things that cost you dearly, only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all. That's the worst, I think; when the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear.

--Stephen King

So maybe I can just be an understanding ear to those who are going through the storms and turn to me. Maybe I can be the one who tells them things get better. Because they always do. And years from now, friends, you'll look up from your life and see your exes getting married and wish them the very best life that's out there. Because don't we all deserve to be happy?

A new kind of spam

Those Internet a#(%@les. Now they've taken to putting out an entirely new kind of spam. Not e-mails or pop-ups or SPIM -- now I find they're commenting on blogs (like this one, but I got rid of it) to promote their crappy, nonsensical goods and services. Jerks. Like margretfisher1845, for instance. I feel the need to tell ppl that this user is a spammer. If you get a message from "her," it may be junk about some financial service. Or Margret Fisher is a perfectly nice person and her account got hacked by people who are spammers, which would be an interesting and annoying new kind of hacker/spammer tool.

Anyway, beware if you've got a blog and allow comments on it. The "them" is getting more clever and more of a pain in my tuckuss.

A bunny falling out

My friend (and colleague) Jan S. lives in Berkeley, Calif. and has bunnies. Three, to be precise. A foster boy and a bonded girl/boy pair by the names of Belle and Bunny. Belle and Bunny had a long bonding process, but about three years ago seemed to fall desperately in love with each other. Always a good thing with "fixed" (gotta wonder what's wrong with them, eh?) bunnies. Oh, also, the foster kid is kept apart from Bunny and Belle.

So Bunny reached beyond his domain (curiosity also hardly ever a bad thing in bunnies) one day a few weeks ago and went to visit the foster boy. He came back to Belle, apparently, smelling like the kid and Belle fought him off. Like the really bad kind of bunny fights that you just know if you let it continue, one of them would end up dead. The swirling, growling, kicking, jaws locked kind of fighting, as Jan described it. Not good. One little whiff of the kid sent Belle to the loony ward.

So, how to rebond Bunny and Belle? They were batting at each other (in a bad way, not a flirty way) on opposite sides of the baby gate for weeks. My suggestion to my fellow lagamorph lovah was for her and her partner, Max, to take them on a car ride. One human and two bunnies in the back seat with LOTS of towels, because there's nothing like a good kick from a bunny to make you wish you hadn't worn shorts that day. The road should be backroads -- lots of turns and stopping and starting. Even gentle human driving will toss a bunny quite a bit in the backseat. The bunnies should be stressed just enough that they look to either the "mom" in the backseat or each other for comfort. The backseat mom is there to break up any fights that happen. If they both look to her for comfort, they'll find each other there. If they look to each other for comfort, they find the love they once had there.

I told Jan not to get discouraged if this doesn't work at first. They still think they don't like each other (or Belle thinks she doesn't like her Bunny beau), but eventually, they'll remember that they're buddies and want to cuddle with each other. I think Jan outta do this car ride thing for about 30 minutes to an hour every other day or every day for a few weeks.

I'll give you an update on how they're doing... Or Jan can post comments to this entry if she wants. Good luck to Bunny and Belle in remembering that they do, in fact, love each other and that no boy could truly get between these lovebunnies!